Roxanne's English Blog

 If I had to write a poem about my life right now it would be about reflection, self discovery, and change. The reason why I mentioned reflection is because recently I have been reflecting on my own actions and how they affect myself and others. The reason why reflection has played such huge part I my life recently is because I am trying to discover who I am as a person. Now that I am a young adult, finding who I am is crucial for the decisions I'll make later in life. Working on these two factors has caused me to change habits that I am used to. I have become more social, more confident, and more free. That's the journey I have been focused on recently which is why my poem would consist of it.

 When I am in a mood that I do not like I try many different ways to quell the disturbance. I would describe myself as an introvert due to my comfortability in being alone so usually I attempt to take care of myself and my environment to clear my head. If i'm just lazy I tend scour my comfort shows to bring me a sense of joy. I don't like to contact my friends when I am in a distasteful mood because I'd only feel like I am burdening them with my rudeness. Another reason is because I simply don't want to get attached to method of depending on others to heighten my mood. I should be capable of doing it myself. Instead, I go and entertain my little sister which usually brings my mood up because it feels like I'm detaching from the world to be with my baby. 9re<--( cat typed this). Overall, there are many different ways I attempt to get myself to feel better it's all a matter of why I feel that way and what method will help soothe the feeling.

 Something that I've outgrown that I miss is the ability to keep up with many people. As a kid I was very outgoing and not to tute my own horn but a little popular. I always knew how to speak to the kids around me and I felt involved in a community. Now that I've grown older, I have gotten used to the habit of enclosing myself because I am unable to deal with others when I can barely deal with myself. I have definitely gotten better with bringing back that old spirit in myself. Boosting my confidence and faking it till I make sure helps a lot. I look forward to it and hope to gain that ability again. I'd love to be that person everyone describes as "Welcoming".

Something I wish I could unheard would be the time my mother told me I that I wasn't her daughter anymore. At a young age hearing something like come out of the mouth of the women who is suppose to love me unconditionally hurt. It caused me to build resentment towards her even when she apologized. I found myself feeling guilty for not being ready to forgive her but also angry at her. Having a parent tell you something so hurtful very young sticks with you. Now though i've learned to forgive her to help myself. Having wounds just makes you tougher.

 My friend Allison recently told me a story of her staying true to herself instead of trying to fit in. A year ago she had a friend group who would drink and smoke. She's never personally done any of those things or even thought about doing them. On this particular day she was in a car ride with these friends while they were getting lit (Excluding the driver). They stoped by to pick up a new girl she had never met. This girl ended up having issues with Allison that night due to her refusal to drink or smoke. She ended up shoving the substances in her face trying to pressure her to do it. Allison knew this was not the kind of setting she wanted to be in or people so she ended up asking them to drop her off home. I think it was really brave of her to go against with what the majority did and how she stayed true to her morals. She gained her sense of dignity that day.

Every summer teens are allowed to have gym membership for free. I always promised myself that I would go consecutively throughout the whole summer to get me used to going afterwards. Unfortunately, I let myself down every time due to the struggle of having to get up and exhaust my body. One summer I went for a week straight and felt pretty good about it. One particular day though my body was aching so badly which caused me to ditch one day which turned into two then a week and then months. This taught me how terrible I am at meeting my personal goals. I listen to the doubt in my head to easily.

 A time I didn't feel like myself would be when I was in a toxic relationship with my ex best friend. I started to act and accept on things that I would tell myself I'd never think or do. What made me realize this was when I started to shut down everyone else in my life but her. Eventually I started to mirror who she was instead of building who I was as a person. I always had a feeling that who I was portraying to be was a facade but I insisted it was all in my head. Now ever since the friendship ended I started to reflect on myself and start working on who I wanted to become instead of who I was trying to portray. Now I can confidently say that I can be myself,